balance me.

kosmogrl:

(via omgchloe)

destinationtoast:

clotworthyskeffington:

what would be the best thing about being a tiny anthropomorphic mouse?

wearing flowers as hats

eating strawberries the size of your face

adventures in cupboards

sleeping in a little sardine can

using buttons as plates

making little clothes out of handkerchiefs

being friends with birds and squirrels and such

using a mushroom as an umbrella

See Results

this is the hardest poll I’ve ever seen

(via deservingporcupine)

my favourite things:

1. being in the circle of your arms, and feeling safe

2. wishing each other good night before falling asleep together with our hands clasped

3. that liminal space between sleep and wakefulness when I reach across for your hand and find that you’re already reaching back for mine

4. waking up to sleepy nuzzles

5. the way you talk and the things that you say to me when you’re still half-asleep (you’re at your most honest then and I love it)

6. the way you sneakily bite my arm sometimes, even when there are other people around

7. being underneath you and feeling how strong you are

8. when your walls are completely down with me and I get to see your playful yet tender side - it’s my absolute favourite side of you, and I’m so lucky that I get the chance to see it

9. how earnest and sweet you can be sometimes, rare moments that I truly treasure (in another universe I would’ve loved to meet the nicholas sparks you)

10. your laugh - in all its various forms

11. conversations where it feels like it’s just us in our little bubble, no phones/tv, just two open and curious hearts hearing and learning more about each other

12. when you cry or feel emotions and aren’t afraid to show them to me - that’s when you’re at your bravest and most human to me, and I wish you’d let that side of yourself be seen more often

13. chill nights in, eating dinner in front of the tv with commentary about whatever series we’re currently following, and migrating to the couch after for dessert and cuddles

13. but equally - fun date nights out where we get dressed up, try out a new restaurant (and sometimes bar), with quality conversations and undivided attention

14. slow evening strolls

15. kisses from you and kissing you

ashstfu:

2022, a year in review: Without a doubt this year has been really difficult for me, but also a year in which I’ve done the most growing. Career definitely took a back seat while I focused on my personal life, and I don’t regret it one bit. If I had to use something to best describe how the year went for me I’d say - Kintsugi. So many times over, I felt like I’d been broken up into pieces, so much so that the idea of ever being whole again seemed like an impossibility. But I guessed I surprised myself, because I can feel myself being slowly glued back into place shard by shard. Imperfect for sure, but beauty in the imperfection and all that right? It’s been a repeated process of breaking and repairing, but I’m getting stronger and better each time - as a person, a partner, a daughter, a friend.

People that know me know that I’m very non confrontational, probably to the extent of being avoidant, because that’s just been the easier path to protect myself. But this year was the year I pushed myself over and over again to have courage and take the harder path. It takes a LOT out of you to really look into the deepest darkest crevices of yourself where no light has reached before, and parse through parts of yourself that you never realised you had, that you’re secretly afraid or ashamed off, or that are easier to ignore than acknowledge. I’ve also been working on being honest with myself (good progress), listening to my needs (getting better slowly!), making my needs known (some tough shit) and walking away from things/people that no longer fulfil my needs (still definitely a work in progress).

It’s a personal belief of mine to seek growth always - none of us are born perfect, but we have 80 years of life on this earth to work on ourselves and hopefully eventually die as a better person than how we started off. At the same time, striking the right balance of loving and appreciating myself for my strengths and quirks, and showing compassion to my weaknesses even as I try to work on them. Getting this balance right is something I’m still figuring out - some days I veer too far into the realm of despair and feeling like I’ll never be good enough, other days are warmth/light/sunshine - it helps when I’m reminded that I’ve got people around me that love me for me and who won’t give up on me, even when I feel like anything but. So a heartfelt thank you to those that have been there for me in any way, shape or form - from holding me, to crying together with me, to listening to me talk for hours, cheering me up with a good night out, to sending me stupid ass stickers, or being just a phone call away.

The end of the year really was a huge curveball that came smashing through whatever defences I had tried to put up around myself. I dream sometimes, of waking up completely and utterly alone. Of stumbling half-awake through endless corridors awash in harsh white lights. Of not being able to find my way out and home. Some days I go about my day thinking that things are back to what they were, only to find myself suddenly feeling scared and alone and in tears in the middle of a mall. Or when out on a walk. Or on the bus home from pilates class. The immediate feelings pass, as they always do, but honestly… it’s been rougher than expected. Some days I wish I could just be wrapped up in a giant extended hug, and to be told over and over until the bad feelings go away that I am safe, that I am not alone, that I am loved. So yes, it’s been tough, but I shall choose to believe that I am tougher, and that things WILL heal with ample time and hugs.

To end things on a lighter and more optimistic note! Here’s hoping that 2023 will be a year of growth and healing, but even more so - a year of adventure, learning and trying new things!, a year of love and laughter and kisses and a bajillion cuddles, of vulnerability and courage and trying again, of finding peace and security in both myself and others, and of course, a year of long walks and long talks with my loved ones (both furry and human).

Note: Various parts of this post were written over the last few months and have been sitting in my drafts for a while now. Finally decided to cobble them together into a (somewhat) coherent post, because I really wanted to write something to commemorate the past year and also for something to look back on at the end of 2023 :)